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Даниил Хармс. Странное рождественское происшествие. Пьеса | Наброс | Мобильная версия
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Даниил Хармс. Странное рождественское происшествие. Пьеса
25.12.2013 Чисто поржать

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images

Действующие лица:

Красная Шапуля — девушка в шапке Мономаха.

Лестер — стройный приятный мужчина в пиджаке.

Бедвер — хороший человек.

Рырдам — человек с хорошим чувством юмора.

Бобры.

Омон.

Призрак Долгожданного Дога М-10.

Ледяная Статуя Эдриана Норда.

Толпа понаехавших и коренных.

Снегурочка.

Действие первое

Заснеженная площадь. Вокруг фонтана напротив стройных рядов ОМОНА толкутся бобры. У них в руках плакаты: «Доколе!», «Мы вам тут не бобры!» Слышны недовольные выкрики. Расталкивая ОМОН, на площадь выходит Лестер. Он подходит к бобрам и тщательно их осматривает с головы до ног. Потом, поглядывая в планшет, удовлетворенно кивает. Лестеру на плечо падает снежинка. Рядом с Лестером появляются Бедвер и Рырдам.

Бедвер: Что-то часто они падать стали.

Лестер задумчиво кивает, и делает пару движений пальцем по планшету. Снег над площадью начинает идти медленнее. Снежинок становится меньше.

Рырдам: Все хотят делать погоду. А кто снег убирать будет?

Действие второе

Из закоулков на площадь выходит Красная Шапуля. На ней аккуратная шапочка Мономаха. Сделав пару шагов, она видит Ледяную Статую Эдриана Норда. Вокруг статуи ровными кругами бегает Призрак Долгожданного Дога М-10. Некоторое время Красная Шапуля пытается вытащить из замерзшей руки статуи золотой яфон с красивым номером. Но у неё не получается. Красная Шапуля злобно пинает Призрак Долгожданного Дога М-10, промахивается и падает. Призрак растворяется в воздухе, оставив после себя брызги мёда на снегу.

Действие третье

На площади стоят Бедвер, Лестер и Рырдам и со странным выражением смотрят на Ледяную Статую Эдриана Норда. Мимо них куда-то пробегает заплаканная Снегурочка в наполовину разорванном купальнике, за которой гонится толпа понаехавших и коренных. За толпой с радостным лаем бежит Призрак Долгожданного Дога М-10. Все скрываются в закоулках.

Снегурочка(приглушенно): Помогите! Спасите! Я не хочу! А-а-а-а!

Лестер(глядя в планшет): Куда это они все?

Рырдам(вслед): Не спешите! А то успеете.

Бедвер(задумчиво): Каждая женщина немного Снегурочка. Чуть тепла, ласки — и она растает.

Конец.

Декабрь, 2013 год. Бобруйский областной психоневрологический диспансер.

Угрозы, успокоительные таблетки, шокочай и проклятия, покой и крепкий здоровый сон можно оставить здесь.

Ранее:

Владимир Высоцкий. Песенка о боте и задроте

Мацуо Басё. Хайдзин о Moswar

Александр Блок. Девушка из метро

Владимир Маяковский. Хаоты, хаоты!

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17 комментариев
  1. Васька Питерский


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    Бля
    Когда будут предположения( гадания) на состав следующей волны млять
    В мае было ж епте

    Жжошь!(0)Говно(0)

    • Warning: Use of undefined constant opentag - assumed 'opentag' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/npaskov/public_html/nabros/wp-content/plugins/hidden-content/hidden-content.php on line 152

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      Два рара: Истребитель М12 (рандомный удар по 5 персонажам в стенке с 10% вероятностью) и ipad (м40, весной растает, дает коллекцию)

      Жжошь!(0)Говно(0)
  2. Васька Питерский


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    Warning: Use of undefined constant op - assumed 'op' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/npaskov/public_html/nabros/wp-content/plugins/hidden-content/hidden-content.php on line 74

    Эту хуйню даже читать не стал

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  3. Warning: Use of undefined constant opentag - assumed 'opentag' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/npaskov/public_html/nabros/wp-content/plugins/hidden-content/hidden-content.php on line 152

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    Warning: Use of undefined constant op - assumed 'op' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/npaskov/public_html/nabros/wp-content/plugins/hidden-content/hidden-content.php on line 74

    хмм... витус предложи поставить пьесу админам, вдруг согласятся....

    Только Лестор с Бэдвером должны постоянно упоминать слова «игроки это кучка говна»

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    • Vitus_Bering


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      Это противоречит концепции презумпции невиновности и идее толерантности. Каждый игрок суть юридически не куча говна, пока не доказано обратное.

      Жжошь!(0)Говно(0)

      • Warning: Use of undefined constant opentag - assumed 'opentag' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/npaskov/public_html/nabros/wp-content/plugins/hidden-content/hidden-content.php on line 152

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        Warning: Use of undefined constant op - assumed 'op' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/npaskov/public_html/nabros/wp-content/plugins/hidden-content/hidden-content.php on line 74

        ну ну, админы доказали уже давно все обратное!

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  4. Наброс-без сисек?Не наброс!


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    Warning: Use of undefined constant op - assumed 'op' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/npaskov/public_html/nabros/wp-content/plugins/hidden-content/hidden-content.php on line 74

    ну вы поняли что я хочу сказать.......
    Сиськи в начале статьи вот 50% успеха!

    Жжошь!(0)Говно(0)

    • Warning: Use of undefined constant opentag - assumed 'opentag' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/npaskov/public_html/nabros/wp-content/plugins/hidden-content/hidden-content.php on line 152

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      а еще 50% это в тоже в конце?

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  5. Нищеброд с VISA


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    I
    ПИСАТЕЛЬ: Я писатель!
    ЧИТАТЕЛЬ: А по-моему, ты говно!
    (Писатель стоит несколько минут, потряcенный этой новой идеей и падает замертво. Его выносят.)

    Даниил Хармс. Четыре иллюстрации того, как новая идея огорашивает человека, к ней не подготовленного.

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    • Vitus_Bering


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      Да, я тоже люблю эти буквы.

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  6. Warning: Use of undefined constant opentag - assumed 'opentag' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/npaskov/public_html/nabros/wp-content/plugins/hidden-content/hidden-content.php on line 152

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    Warning: Use of undefined constant op - assumed 'op' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/npaskov/public_html/nabros/wp-content/plugins/hidden-content/hidden-content.php on line 74

    Warning: Use of undefined constant message - assumed 'message' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/npaskov/public_html/nabros/wp-content/plugins/hidden-content/hidden-content.php on line 154

    Warning: Use of undefined constant op - assumed 'op' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/npaskov/public_html/nabros/wp-content/plugins/hidden-content/hidden-content.php on line 74

    вновоститьт хуйню,
    способен не каждый,
    постить хуйню,
    хуйне лишь дано)

    наброс становится всё гаже и гаже)зашёл по привычке,больше не буду)

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  7. Нескажу


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    Warning: Use of undefined constant op - assumed 'op' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/npaskov/public_html/nabros/wp-content/plugins/hidden-content/hidden-content.php on line 74

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    Warning: Use of undefined constant op - assumed 'op' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/npaskov/public_html/nabros/wp-content/plugins/hidden-content/hidden-content.php on line 74

    Warning: Use of undefined constant message - assumed 'message' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/npaskov/public_html/nabros/wp-content/plugins/hidden-content/hidden-content.php on line 154

    Warning: Use of undefined constant op - assumed 'op' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/npaskov/public_html/nabros/wp-content/plugins/hidden-content/hidden-content.php on line 74

    Витус,ты где спиздил сценарий новогоднего квеста?

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    • Vitus_Bering


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      Warning: Use of undefined constant op - assumed 'op' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/npaskov/public_html/nabros/wp-content/plugins/hidden-content/hidden-content.php on line 74

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      Голоса рассказали. Но после процедур все прошло.

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  8. Warning: Use of undefined constant opentag - assumed 'opentag' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/npaskov/public_html/nabros/wp-content/plugins/hidden-content/hidden-content.php on line 152

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    а я ожидал что Шапулю со Снегуркой выебут во все щели...зря...получилось бы отличное порно.

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  9. Warning: Use of undefined constant opentag - assumed 'opentag' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/npaskov/public_html/nabros/wp-content/plugins/hidden-content/hidden-content.php on line 152

    Warning: Use of undefined constant op - assumed 'op' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/npaskov/public_html/nabros/wp-content/plugins/hidden-content/hidden-content.php on line 74

    Warning: Use of undefined constant closetag - assumed 'closetag' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/npaskov/public_html/nabros/wp-content/plugins/hidden-content/hidden-content.php on line 153

    Warning: Use of undefined constant op - assumed 'op' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/npaskov/public_html/nabros/wp-content/plugins/hidden-content/hidden-content.php on line 74

    Warning: Use of undefined constant message - assumed 'message' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/npaskov/public_html/nabros/wp-content/plugins/hidden-content/hidden-content.php on line 154

    Warning: Use of undefined constant op - assumed 'op' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/npaskov/public_html/nabros/wp-content/plugins/hidden-content/hidden-content.php on line 74

    Чё мало так?
    Витус, шмаль штоле кончилась?

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    • Vitus_Bering


      Warning: Use of undefined constant opentag - assumed 'opentag' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/npaskov/public_html/nabros/wp-content/plugins/hidden-content/hidden-content.php on line 152

      Warning: Use of undefined constant op - assumed 'op' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/npaskov/public_html/nabros/wp-content/plugins/hidden-content/hidden-content.php on line 74

      Warning: Use of undefined constant closetag - assumed 'closetag' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/npaskov/public_html/nabros/wp-content/plugins/hidden-content/hidden-content.php on line 153

      Warning: Use of undefined constant op - assumed 'op' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/npaskov/public_html/nabros/wp-content/plugins/hidden-content/hidden-content.php on line 74

      Warning: Use of undefined constant message - assumed 'message' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/npaskov/public_html/nabros/wp-content/plugins/hidden-content/hidden-content.php on line 154

      Warning: Use of undefined constant op - assumed 'op' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/npaskov/public_html/nabros/wp-content/plugins/hidden-content/hidden-content.php on line 74

      Жду вот сульфазиновый крест, должно сразу после него прийти вдохновение.

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  10. Пофиг на все


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    Warning: Use of undefined constant op - assumed 'op' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/npaskov/public_html/nabros/wp-content/plugins/hidden-content/hidden-content.php on line 74

    Warning: Use of undefined constant closetag - assumed 'closetag' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/npaskov/public_html/nabros/wp-content/plugins/hidden-content/hidden-content.php on line 153

    Warning: Use of undefined constant op - assumed 'op' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/npaskov/public_html/nabros/wp-content/plugins/hidden-content/hidden-content.php on line 74

    Warning: Use of undefined constant message - assumed 'message' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/npaskov/public_html/nabros/wp-content/plugins/hidden-content/hidden-content.php on line 154

    Warning: Use of undefined constant op - assumed 'op' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/npaskov/public_html/nabros/wp-content/plugins/hidden-content/hidden-content.php on line 74

    Не зацепило.

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